Adult Children & Elderly Parents

October 9, 2009

Interview with Dan Taylor, author of the book The Parent Care Conversation: Six Strategies for Dealing with the Emotional and Financial Challenges of AgingParents

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Mike Carruthers:
Every child with elderly parents worries about the day when something happens. When that parent has a health crisis. But few of us are prepared for it.

Dan Taylor:
Well, I think there's a belief in the American public that when your parents get really ill and they can't take care of themselves there is a magic telephone number you call and the fact of the matter is is there isn't a telephone number.
 

Dan Taylor

Dan Taylor, author of the book The Parent Care Conversation says consequently there has to be preparation for what is inevitable.

This is why you have to have certain key legal documents in place, a durable power of attorney, health care directives so that in the event something would happen to you as a senior, the person who's supposed to take care of you has the legal and actual authority to do that.

And if you are the child of an elderly parent and you can't get them to talk about all of this…

What I tell children to tell their parents is simply this: "I appreciate that you don't want to discuss this, but what I want to tell you is that unless you tell me what it is that you want to have happen, I'm not going to take the accountability or responsibility for making it happen.

Although hard to start, these conversations are important and can have tremendous benefit.

What I know from talking to my father is that what they want to do is that they want to be remembered and they want to know that their life mattered. So focus on the progress and the achievements and not why they didn't get you a wagon when you were seven.