Are You A Good Listener?

December 22, 2009

Interview with Joe Takash, author of the book Results Through Relationships: Building Trust, Performance, and Profit Through People

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Mike Carruthers:
We all like to think we’re good listeners.

Joe Takash:
But if I give you a true/false test ten minutes after we spoke, how well what you retained what I said doesn’t say as much about your memory to me as it does how fully engaged you are in the first place.

Joe Takash, author of the book Results Through Relationships, says good listening is hard to do even for people like Joe.

I was speaking on (the topic of) listening one time and a woman came up to me afterwards and she said, “You know, I couldn’t agree more, I’m a big believer in getting results through people”. And Mike, as she was saying this my mind was completely elsewhere going “You know I really am a pretty effective listener.” I’m bragging to myself on how I think I’m an effective listener while this poor woman is rambling on about who knows what. So I violated everything that I practice. Point being, listening isn’t easy, it requires focus, constant awareness and the one thing we haven’t talked about here is an "others centered selflessness."

Others centered selflessness simply means putting the focus on the person you’re speaking with.

There’s an old quote that says talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours. In other words I earn the right to be heard by finding out, “Mike where are you from originally, and where did you go to school?” And if you seem open and not shut off and I don’t seem like I’m coming across as interrogating. And so reciprocity is a matter of course because I’ve listened first.

Tomorrow, how you can be a much more effective listener.

For Part 2 click here.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here.