Controlling People

March 15, 2011

Interview with Daniel A. Miller, author of the book Losing Control Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us And How to Let It Go

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Mike Carruthers:
You either are or know someone who is overly controlling, always things to go his or her way, and yet…

Daniel A. Miller:
We really cannot significantly change your control of others and all of our trying to do that, not only hurts them but it hurts ourselves.
 

Daniel A. Miller, author of the book Losing Control Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us And How to Let It Go, says these people want to control everything at work and everything at home.

One of the best examples I can give you is of myself about 5 years ago with my oldest daughter Laura, she started playing tennis and was getting better and better, I kept sort of pressing and pushing her in that direction. What happen was my constant pressuring her, that type of control behavior, that was primarily, that I realized afterward, was my ego that was driving that. That one day she started crying and said, “Daddy I don’t want to play tennis anymore”.

Controlling other people is an illusion, it’s ineffective, frustrating, and Daniel says when you give up trying to control others your life gets better.

It fills up with other things. Like I say in my case I started painting, I started writing; I worked probably half the time because my work methods were much more efficient. By giving up control in work I went down much fewer blind alleys, I was able to see what was important from what was not important. I was open-minded and I listened more so it can be a very efficient way.
 

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here