Coping With Change You Didn't Ask For

June 3, 2009
Interview with M.J. Ryan, author of AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn't Ask For

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Mike Carruthers:
The economy has dictated that many of us deal with change... change we didn't ask for - and it's tough.

M.J. Ryan:
Because when change comes from the outside it's always the death of something, even if it's just the death of a sense of control. But often it's the death of an idea of how we thought our lives were going to be - we thought we'd have that retirement fund or that job.
 

M.J. Ryan, author of the book AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn't Ask For says when negative changes are forced on us we often get stuck asking ourselves "Why?"

"Why is this happening to us?" Or "Why can't I do this?" - or whatever it is. We think that answering the question why is helpful. That can just keep us stuck forever in analysis, instead of saying, "What do I want and how can I get it?" And this is true whether you're going through a change that you want to create or something that's happened to you - the more you focus on the what and the how's then the more you're going to produce results that you'll be satisfied with.

Often what we perceive as a negative change may not be, it's just that humans have a tendency to catastrophize. So it's helpful to focus on just the facts.

I'll give you an example of a client I was working with - her boyfriend didn't call. She's on the phone with me saying therefore he's having an affair. That's a conclusion that's not based on this simple information that the phone call wasn't made. And so you need to come back down the ladder and say, "What are the facts?" - he didn't call so that's all we know.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here.