Couples And Chemistry

June 5, 2009

Interview with Mira Kirshenbaum, author of Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit

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Mike Carruthers:
Why do we choose the person we choose to be our partner? It's an important question because as a group we're not all that good at it.

Mira Kirshenbaum:
Sixty percent of divorces are among couples who never should have married in the first place.

Mira Kirshenbaum, author of the book Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit conducted extensive research on what makes a happy couple, and her conclusion…

Chemistry is the best predictor that you will have a satisfying long-term relationship with someone. It's not about whether someone is good on paper or whether his attitudes and interests match yours. Instead, chemistry is about how it feels to be with the person. Everybody thinks chemistry is just physical chemistry, but the research we did proved that there's a lot more to chemistry than that.

And true chemistry isn't something you can "read" on the first, second or third date.

You don't know what the chemistry really is until you've reached the point where you no longer need to impress each other, until you've started sharing everyday life like going food shopping together - not dressing up, being in a bad mood or until you've gotten mad. The important point is when you can show who you are and how you really feel. Until you experience each other fully as real people you cannot say that your chemistry is as good as you think it is.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here.