Dealing With Difficult People

August 18, 2010

Interview with Dr. Mark Goulston, author of the book Get Out of Your Own Way at Work...And Help Others Do the Same: Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior on the Job

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Mike Carruthers:
Difficult people - you have to deal with them so you might as well get good at it.

Dr. Mark Goulston:
 The way difficult people get to you is, often they will charm you and then as you interact with them they kind of frustrate you, then they may anger you.
 

Psychiatrist Dr. Mark Goulston, author of the book Get Out of Your Own Way at Work...,says difficult people will eventually push you to the point of rage.

 And if you're really uncomfortable with the feeling of rage, what will happen is you will do anything to get out of that interaction with them, including appeasing them because you're afraid of what you might say or do.

But rather than give in, retreat, or explode…

Make eye contact with them because if you look away, that communicates fear and if you communicate fear they become even more intense - so keep your eyes on them.

Then Mark says, wait until they're done talking, take a long pause, and say…

My mind wandered the last three or four minutes - can you repeat what you said? And see if you say this to a difficult person, what they're going to realize is their knockout punch didn't get to you.

Another response that works well with difficult people is to say…

"Tell me how what you want is fair to everyone it affects." And they're going to go, "Huh?" And all the while, while you're staying centered and composed they don't know what to do because difficult people don't have a case to make - that's why they're being difficult.