Getting Angry

November 20, 2009

Interview with Dr. Les Carter, author of the book The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that Sabotage Your Life

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Mike Carruthers:
Would you say you deal well with your anger?

Dr. Les Carter:
Anger itself is not a bad emotion. If you think about it, anger is tied to your sense of self-preservation.

Dr. Les Carter

 
Dr. Les Carter, author of the book The Anger Trap

And in essence, the angry person is wishing to say, "Won't you show me some respect?" or "Won't you treat me with significance?" or "Won't you acknowledge the validity of my needs?" And when you think about that, that's not wrong. That's reasonable. The problem is that when people are trying to communicate to that valid sense of self-preservation, they often can do so in such a way that's so insulting or condescending that the appropriate message doesn't get through; because it's the condescension that gets through and that's what people tend to respond to.

But you can learn to deal with your anger in a healthy way.

Healthy anger is typified by standing firmly for what you believe while at the same time demonstrating respect for the other individuals involved. And you have to be very careful of your tone of voice, but at the same time you can have firmness in your voice that lets people know that you want to be taken seriously because you take your own self seriously.

Dr. Carter says it's all about the outcome.

Do you want to blow up and be angry or do you want to get what you want? You get back what you put out. So if you put out insults, chances are you're going to get back an insult. If you put out respect, chances are you're going to get back respect. It's not a guarantee, but your odds are much higher when you take that kind of mentality.