How To Connect With New People

September 21, 2012

Interview with Jill Spiegel, author of the book Jill Spiegel's How To Talk To Anyone About Anything!

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Mike Carruthers:
Are you one of those people who has trouble mingling at parties - maybe because you’re just not good at small talk?

Jill Spiegel:
First of all there’s no such thing as small talk even when you start conversations with, “What a beautiful day.” Or a compliment like, “I love your tie.” You give people a psychological and emotional lift that makes them want to talk to you.
 

Jill Spiegel, author of the book How To Talk To Anyone About Anything!, says when you walk into a room full of people a great way to start mingling is to find a small group.

To join them all you do is say, “Hey do you mind if I join, or got room for one more?” Because people want to welcome you in and they say, “We’re all talking about the book we just read War and Peace, we loved it, ever read it?” Now what happens is when people bring up a topic we know nothing about, Mike, we make the mistake of falling into the pit of shame. And then we go, “No, I never read it.” – and then we disconnect.

Instead, Jill says, be curious.

So you say, “War and Peace, my gosh that is so amazing that you read that, you know I never have, what inspired you to read it?” And when you’re passionately curious with other people, Mike, they feel smart, they think you’re brilliant and you immediately enhance your connection.

Ever talk to someone at a party and realize that you’ve forgotten their name?

 Jill’s advice – be honest.

They’re going to think more of you if say, “You know I’m never going to forget that great smile but you’ve got to tell me your name one more time it flew right above my head.” And as long as you compliment them before you ask for their name again they’re going to continue to feel that connection with you.