How To Get Someone To Change

May 23, 2011

Interview with Dr. Michael Pantalon, author of the book Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Do Anything--Fast

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Mike Carruthers:
If you want someone else to change a negative behavior…

Dr. Michael Pantalon:
You have to tell resistant people that they don’t absolutely have to change that it’s up to them. And the second thing is ask them questions about they might want to change.
 

Psychologist Dr. Michael Pantalon, author of the book Instant Influence, says here’s how the process works. He was dealing with a woman who needed to stop smoking

You know I said to her, “Look I know everyone has been bugging you about quitting smoking, I’m not going to do that. But would you mind if I asked you a few questions?” So the first question was the “Why might you change question.” I said, “Why might you cut back on your smoking cigarettes?” She said, “I’ll breathe better.” That’s the beginning of this process; she’s giving me a positive reason for a positive behavior change.

The next question is to ask someone to rate their motivation on a scale of 1-10, this woman choose 3.

Every resistant person expects the same follow up question, “Why didn’t you pick a higher number?” But that’s not the next question; the next question is “Why didn’t you pick a lower number?”

And when people answer that question they’re cornering themselves into finding their own motivation.

I’d rather have you talk about why you have any readiness versus why you don’t have more. And what this woman said is, “Then I’ll be able to keep up with my grandkids.” And so now we get another positive reason for positive change – that creates a tipping point and then they just somehow start doing it. 

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here