Human Attachement

January 3, 2011

Interview with Amir Levine, author of the book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

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Mike Carruthers:
Attachment, connecting with someone seems to be human nature and apparently always has been.

Amir Levine:
Because there was a huge advantage throughout evolution to have someone else who really cares about you and your wellbeing was really important to them.

Amir Levine, author of the book Attached, says there are basically 3 attachment styles.

There’s a secure attachment style in which people are really warm and loving and they’re just great in relationships. There’s the ancient attachment style, that’s people who they love to be close but they’re very, very sensitive to a disruption in that closeness. And then there is the avoidance attachment style, that’s people who want to be close, they want to be in a relationship but something funny happens once they get into a relationship. They start pushing you away because they don’t feel too comfortable with too much closeness.

So as you might imagine not every attachment style works with the other 2.

The problem happens mostly when someone who has an avoidance attachment style and someone who has an ancient style get together. Because they really tend to exacerbate each other’s bad tendencies and they can make each other miserable.

Interestingly it’s possible to change your attachment style.

Usually the change happens when you are going out with someone who’s secure. And they can draw you into more security because they’re great in relationships and they slowly but surely make you feel really comfortable and low and behold you become more secure.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here