The Magic Of Listening

July 30, 2012

Interview with Mark Goulston, author of the book Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone

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Mike Carruthers:
Listening may be one of the best and underutilized ways to really connect with someone.

Mark Goulston:
I think a key prerequisite though is you actually have to care about other people as opposed to just try to maneuver them to do a deal.
 

Mark Goulston, author of the book Just Listen

So if your speaking with someone who you feel has some sort of a head of steam and you were to say politely but firmly, “What’s really going on?” And they’ll say something else and if you keep saying, “No but what’s really going on?” What’s going to happen is it’s going to go deeper and deeper and eventually they’re going to share something, “I’m scared, I don’t know if I’m going to get a job, I’m scared, I think my marriage is falling apart, I’m scared, I think I have health problems and I’ve been avoiding the doctor.”

It’s at that point that many of us would rush in with a piece of advice or something but Mark says instead you just keep listening.

In fact if you were to say to them, “How scared are you?” What will happen is that they will go even deeper and they may begin to cry and release tension. And again if you don’t rush in you will feel them open up their mind and heart.

And Mark says this is a powerful way to get people to help you.

When you listen deeply and get where people are coming from and pause for a moment to care about them when you’re there – they’re more likely to let you take them where you want them to go.