Making Marriage Better

October 2, 2009
Interview with David Clarke PhD, author of the book The Total Marriage Makeover 

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Mike Carruthers:
Both men and women need to work at keeping their relationships happy, and what is it women need to work on?

David Clarke PhD:
This is a critical, critical thing that most women are lousy at – if I had to pick out one thing, it’s praising the man. Men need praise!

David Clarke PhD

Psychologist Dr. David Clarke, author of the book The Total Marriage Makeover...

And most women are just lousy at it - they think about all the man’s not doing, and maybe they’re right. But that de-motivates a man - you’ve got to look at him and what he is doing right and begin to praise him in a targeted way. Praise him for working at his job; nobody praises him for that crummy job. Praise him for jobs around the house, praise him for when he does something that you like - you’re shaping behavior and that will work for a man.

Why is praise so important to a man?

The typical man cannot feel loved or respected (and they go hand in hand) unless the woman is regularly praising him for who he is – his character traits and what he does. Most women haven’t been raised that way, they tend to be critical, and they think about what he’s NOT doing – they’re not satisfied. Well the man is not going to come through if you treat him that way,  I guarantee it.

For women, the pay-off for praising a man says Dr. Clarke, is spectacular.

He will continue to do more behaviors that you want him to do – looking for more praise and more respect. That’s how deep he needs it. Of course that pays off because he’s helping you with the kids, he’s helping you with the house. Along the way it actually helps him open up and share with you personally.

To hear the complete unedited interview click here