Parenting and Self Esteem

May 22, 2009

Interview with Thomas Habib, PhD, author of If These Walls Could Talk: A Therapist Reveals Stories of Change and How They will Work for You
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Mike Carruthers:
We all want our kids to have good self-esteem, however…

Thomas Habib, PhD:
Self-esteem comes from self-discipline - you can't love self-esteem into a child.

 
Clinical Psychologist Dr. Thomas Habib, author of the book If These Walls Could Talk: says self-esteem in children has to be earned.

It's all about creating an atmosphere where the child has a chance to succeed. Which means self-discipline, impulse control, being aware of the rules - socially of give and take and not melting down with insistence of having it your own way.

Dr. Habib says most parents want the best for their kids but too many parents today make life too easy for their children - they don't challenge them or make them work for anything and that does those children no good.

If we went and took a college course and the professor handed out "A's" for everyone - would we value that "A"? We would value the "A" if this college professor made us work because it provides a yardstick upon which we measure our abilities.

Good parenting, says Dr. Habib, is all about picking your battles.

When working with families with teenagers I never advise taking on the condition of their bedroom - usually how they dress, frequently with types of friends. But the limit stops with - you're going to show respect, no drugs, you're going to school and you're going to be a part of this family.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here.