The Problem Of Misunderstanding

January 28, 2010

Interview with Nance Guilmartin, author of the book The Power of Pause: How to be More Effective in a Demanding, 24/7 World

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Mike Carruthers:
What I said may not be what you heard, that type of misunderstanding happens all the time.

Nance Guilmartin:
And the faster we go the more behind we get when we don’t take a moment to confirm our understanding and it’s causing us a lot of snafus that take more time to clear up.

Nance Guilmartin, author of the book The Power of Pause...

You’d could say, “Nance we only have, oh we’ve got plenty of time to have this conversation.” And if you normally have 5 minutes 15 minutes is plenty of time to you. But if I’m thinking, “Oh this is great, I have an hour.” We have not confirmed our understanding about what plenty of time means. We often hear what we need or what we want or what we expect.

The simple act of pausing to confirm that everyone is on the same page can be incredibly powerful.

This will help you not take it personally the next time you think you were very clear about something. And meanwhile you discover the person that works with you or is your daughter or your partner or your date, didn’t get the meaning of what you said.

And the next time there is a misunderstanding or you take something personally…

I invite them to get curious, not furious. And the minute you are feeling furious, frustrated, angry, feel that something is unjust, unfair or wrong (it’s not to say that you’re wrong) but if you were going to respond from being furious you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to make the best choice.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here