The "Semi-Happy" Marriage

June 27, 2011

Interview with Pamela Haag, author of the book Marriage Confidential: The Post-Romantic Age of Workhorse Wives, Royal Children, Undersexed Spouses, and Rebel Couples Who Are Rewriting the Rules

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Mike Carruthers:
Something interesting has happened to a lot of marriages today they fallen into the category of the semi-happy marriage.

Pamela Haag:
The semi-happy marriages are usually very amiable and high functioning as friendships but in some ways they’ve become too much like a friendship.
 

Pamela Haag, author of the book Marriage Confidential, says there are a lot of reasons for this.

We marry people who are very similar to us in education and background and that’s great. But again the marriage can lose some of that sense of mystery or attraction when we’re too much like each other.  And there are also pressures around childrearing and parenthood today, so that can really swallow up the marriage.

What often happens, says Pamela, is the semi-happy marriage will go along quietly until one day someone decides they want out.

They contribute the lion’s share to divorces every year. Most divorces happen from marriage that are identified as low conflict and amiable but not that fulfilling.

So making the relationship a priority in whatever way you can, will really help.

I interviewed one wife who rewrote her marriage vows every 5 years or so with her husband because they wanted to be mindful about the goals for the marriage - because it focuses a couple on the marriage as a marriage not as a parenting arrangement.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here