Solving Loneliness - Part 2

February 15, 2011

Interview with Dr. Pat Love, author of the bookNever Be Lonely Again: The Way Out of Emptiness, Isolation, and a Life Unfulfilled

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Mike Carruthers:
Loneliness has been called an epidemic but fortunately there is a cure.

Dr. Pat Love:
You know there are only 3 things we have to do to have a deep connection: show up, tune in, and remember. 

Dr. Pat Love, author of the book Never Be Lonely Again, says many people confuse depression with loneliness.

And this is all backed up by attachment research. This is what we all need, you know, show up, tune in, pay attention and get to know me a little bit and then let your behavior show that you know me. And the 3^rd thing you can do is just reach out on a regular basis and do something for somebody else. Why is that so important? That’s the nature of our species, that’s a coping strategy that enabled us to survive.

Being in a relationship is not necessarily a cure for loneliness.

30% of married people say they’re lonely. Isn’t that amazing? Now why is that? You’ve got people around you, because you don’t know how to deepen your connection.

Anyone can conquer loneliness, says Dr. Love, anyone.

You know if you want a tip about how to get outside your loneliness, show up for something that means something to someone else. Many of us are living lives of friendly narcissism – we do nice things only when they benefit us. But that doesn’t make you happy, that gives you pleasure, there’s a difference. Pleasure exhausts itself in the moment; if you want to be happy then you’ve got to do something that moves you outside yourself.

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here