Techniques For Important Conversations - Part 2

September 20, 2011

Interview with Kerry Patterson, author of the book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

________________

Mike Carruthers:
Those heated arguments we have with people seldom lead to a lasting solution because very quickly the goal becomes to win the argument not find a solution. So maybe there's a better way.

Kerry Patterson:
We suggest that the idea here is not to win, not to get your way but to come to a common understanding.
 

Kerry Patterson, author of the book Crucial Conversations...

We try to expand the pool of available meaning so we say, "Here's what my opinion is and here's some things I've been thinking. (We invite dialog) What do you think? And how does it differ? “The underlying assumption here is we get more information into the pool 3 things happen. We make better decisions because we have more complete and better information. Because we've all been involved we're going to act with unity and because our ideas have been included we're going to act with conviction. 3 things happen as a result of this dialog; better decisions and we act with unity and conviction.

But even with the best of intentions sometimes these discussions escalate into a fight. So when that happens Kerry suggests you...

Stop, take a breath and apologize. Say, " You know what this isn't going the way I intending, I was hoping we could have a fruitful conversation, we could here both sides and here I am pushing from my side. I apologize why don't we start over. And to start over why don't I start by listening to your point of view and see if I can understand what we have in common and we'll go from there. That can help and go a long ways in turning that into a healthy dialog.

To hear the complete unedited interview click here