What Makes Long Term Relationships Last

August 16, 2010

Interview with Geraldine Piorkowski, author of the book Adult Children of Divorce: Confused Love Seekers

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Mike Carruthers:
Anyone in a long term relationship or marriage knows it’s not always easy and part of it appears to have to do with expectations.

Geraldine Piorkowski:
I mean in a long-term relationship for example; after the first 2 years or so your feelings of love go down - because fantasy and novelty have dissipated.
 

Dr. Geraldine Piorkowski, author of the book Adult Children of Divorce…

When those fade, what is left? Companionship if you’re lucky. And companionship has to do with friendship and enjoying each other, laughing together, etcetera.

So in a relationship that thrives…

You enjoy each other, you enjoy doing things together, and you have what is called the 5 to 1 ratio in your relationship. Which means there are 5 times as many good things as negative things.

Even in a relationship where people are unhappy and communication has stopped there is still hope.

You really need to talk again. There’s a wonderful quote by Madeleine L’Engle, she (in one of her novels) talks about this young woman coming to this older woman and the younger woman is sobbing and she’s saying my marriage is dying. And the older woman said, “My marriage died 7 times, the question is not whether your marriage is dying, the question is whether there is a chance for your marriage to resurrect and your willingness to participate in the resurrection” – and I think that is important.
 

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here