Why You Get Angry

August 9, 2010

Interview with Janet Pfeiffer, author of the book The Secret Side of Anger

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Mike Carruthers:
When you think about it anger is really the result of unmet needs and expectations.

Janet Pfeiffer:
We expect certain things of ourselves, we expect certain things of other people, but when those expectations aren’t met we become frustrated and angry.
 

Janet Pfeiffer, author of the book The Secret Side of Anger…

I’ll give you an example; I’ve been married almost 14 years and when I married my husband I wanted him to be romantic. Well, that is just not his nature and the more I pushed him to be what I wanted him to be, the more I was disappointed and angry with him. Once I accepted the fact that he’s not a romantic guy (but he’s got a lot of other great qualities) then that anger subsided and I was fine.

The fact is things often happen that we don’t want or expect.

We leave our house in the morning to go to work and we expect that there’s not going to be any traffic. And then we’re stuck sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic and we’re getting annoyed and aggravated and we wonder why? Because to expect that things are always going to go the way we want them to is totally unrealistic.

Angry situations are always made worse not so much by the situation…

But it comes from the thoughts that you form about that situation. So if I’m sitting in traffic and I’m saying things to myself like; “Oh God, I hate this, this happens to me all the time.” The more I keep focusing on the negative and what I’m unhappy about the more that’s going to fuel my frustration and anger.
 

To hear the complete unedited interview, click here