Your Powers Of Influence

August 17, 2010

Interview with Dr. Mark Goulston, author of the book Get Out of Your Own Way at Work...And Help Others Do the Same: Conquer Self-Defeating Behavior on the Job

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Mike Carruthers:
To truly have influence over people you really need to understand the concept of "buy-in".

Dr. Mark Goulston:
"Buy-in" is the first step in motivating or persuading someone to do something. "Buy-in" is the difference between - "Tell me more" and "No thanks I've heard enough already."
 

Psychiatrist Dr. Mark Goulston, author of the book Get Out of Your Own Way at Work...

And the key to "buy in" is you want to get where people are coming from. And the reason being is when you get where people are coming from, most people will lean into that. Something that I've developed a skill in as I've trained FBI and police hostage negotiators who have to get "buy-in" very quickly. I've trained them to connect with that person and when that person feels understood, they feel less desperate and they will lean away from the trigger.

Mark says the skill comes when you listen between the words and hear an emotion.

And if you were to say to someone, "You know I hear what you're saying (and you can repeat what they're saying) but what I'm hearing just as loud is your frustration about this situation. Can you tell me what you're frustrated about?" If you can get people past venting, whining, and complaining and you listen to the feeling underneath it (and it's always there) - they will start to exhale - meaning they feel cared about. And when people feel cared about, they generally feel grateful and gratitude crosses over very quickly into generosity.