Advice For People Who Are Too Nice

February 17, 2012

Interview with Daylle Deanna Schwartz, author of the book Nice Girls Can Finish First: Getting the Results You Want and the Respect You Deserve . . . While Still Being Liked [1]

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Mike Carruthers:
Being nice is OK, but being too nice, being a doormat that's a problem - take it from someone who's been there.

Daylle Deanna Schwartz:
I was the worst of the doormats; I would do anything for anybody. Someone would step on my foot and I'd say, "I'm sorry".
 

Daylle Deanna Schwartz, author of the book Nice Girls Can Finish First [1], says that's a good place to start - when you say you're sorry for something you didn't do - try finishing your sentence…

If you are sorry, say why you're sorry and every time you say you're sorry make sure you clarify why and you're going to pay attention more and realize that you're not really sorry.

If you want to be taken seriously and not treated like a doormat, Daylle says lower your voice.

Speak slower so if you get emotional you've got a little latitude. Enunciate your words - I mean my normal talking voice is like this but if I want to be taken seriously I speak like this (slower) - and people pay attention.

A great role model for people who are too nice but don't want to be is Meryl Streep's character in the film The Devil Wears Prada.

She never raised her voice but you knew she meant business. Now you combine that kind of voice with a smile and a little bit of a friendly attitude and people take notice. It's talk softly but carry a big stick and the stick is your attitude, which is, "Hey I mean business but I'm not looking to hurt anybody".