Transcripts

Terrence Real:
We do teach girls and women to know more about relationships and to want more from relationships.

Terrence Real, author of the book How Can I Get Through to You?

Men don't bring women into couples therapy saying, "I wish she was closer." Most of the guys I treat are what I call "wife-mandated referrals." It's women who want more from their relationship, it's women that bring men into couples therapy, and they are asking for more from their guys than the culture asks their guys to give.

And it falls to women, says Terrence, to help men be more involved in the relationship. And the most important thing is:

Speak up and speak up constructively. What happens with a lot of women is that they don't feel heard or fulfilled in their relationships and eventually they back off, but they back off resentfully. I want women to get back up there, go toe to toe with the guy, and it could something as simple as meeting your guy at the door and saying, "I'm not happy with this, this, and this. What do you want for dinner?" Do that for six days running and see if he won't sit down and talk with you.

And then when he does sit down and talk to you…

Don't complain and criticize about what he's doing wrong. Take him by the hand, be specific, and teach him what right would look like.

You can link to Terrence's website from ours, somethingyoushouldknow.net. I'm Mike Carruthers and that's "Something You Should Know."