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Mike
Carruthers:
One of the keys to a successful marriage is understanding how
your partner thinks. Take compromise for example…
Scott
Haltzman:
There's a joke that I heard a comedian tell and he says, "I'll
give you the definition of compromise, one year I wanted to vacation
in California and my wife wanted to vacation in Florida, so we
compromised, we went to Florida."
Psychiatrist,
Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of the book, Secrets
Of Happily Married Men…
From a woman's
perspective if you talk about something and process it and ultimately
come down on her side she views it as compromise-from a man's
perspective that same process is looked at as capitulation.
When couples
get into trouble the subject of going to couples counseling
often comes up but Dr. Haltzman cautions…
Couples therapy
if often sought by the woman as a solution to the relationship
problem. Because the woman is frequently seeking her husband
to become someone that he's simply not able to become- she wants
him to become softer, more gentle. So what happens in therapy
is you come in and the therapist says, "Everything's even
here." We're both going to sit down on this cushy couch
and we're both going to spend an equal amount of time talking
about our emotions. As a man that doesn't feel very equal to
me, perhaps a better scenario is if the therapist took us out
on the basketball court and said, "Ok, everything's even
here we're going to play some one on one for the next forty-five
minutes." Now that feels like an area that I have an advantage
in.
You can link
to Scott's website
from ours; somethingyoushouldknow.net-
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
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