Transcripts

Anthony Wolfe, PhD:
I have to make her understand, I have to get her to see my side, I'm right, I just can't let this go unproven- and what happens is that the argument can get real bad.

Psychologist, Anthony Wolfe, author of the book, Why Can't You Shut Up says what causes us to dig in our heels and not give up is our baby self.

And we all have a baby self and a mature self. And the mature self goes out into the world but as soon as we get with people who we're real close to- when we get home this part of us comes out- that wants what it wants now. But the thing that really screws up relationships that when it's not getting it's way, the baby self, it just goes on and on and on.

The trick, says Tony, is to recognize when the baby self is talking and say to yourself…

Is there anything really useful that's going to be gained by this argument continuing? Or if I continue from my previous experience I know it's only going to get worse.

The best way to stop this whole thing is to separate from the other person, leave the room.

Once you separate, you're off by yourself-the more reasonable part of your brain begins to function. You say, well, I don't take back anything that I said, but maybe she's right I should help a little more around the house.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.