| |
|
April
6, 2007:
What To Never Say In An Argument
Interview
with George Thompson PhD, author of Verbal
Judo
|
Mike
Carruthers:
When
you're in a heated argument and someone is getting really upset
at you, you're likely tempted to say something like... "calm
down."
George Thompson PhD:
It's the worst thing you can say. One, everybody thinks
they're calm enough, so if you'll notice when you say calm down,
what do they say? "I'm plenty calm!"
George Thompson,
author of the book
Verbal Judo, says there's a whole list of things people
often do say that just make a bad situation worse, like "oh,
be reasonable."
For one thing,
you don't say that because everyone thinks they're being reasonable.
Nobody has ever run up to me and said, "Hey, you know what,
I'm unreasonable, but here's what I think."
Other phrases
like "Get to the point," or "What's your problem,"
or "It's none of your business," all those things
tend to inflame the situation. So what do you say instead?
If somebody is
yelling at you, the only way to get them to stop is to say a
single, "Well maybe I should hear what you just told me
- excuse me sir, let me be sure I'm on the same wavelength."
Everybody stops talking when you say that. Because they don't
think you understand, and they're going to listen aggressively,
to prove that you don't understand. So "A" you've
shut them down, "B" you're now in control because
you're talking and they're not, and now you can move to paraphrase.
"If I understand you correctly, you feel 'A, B, and C.'"
So I would say that tactful paraphrase follows what I call the
sword of interruption. "So, let me make sure I heard what
you said." Nobody talks when you say that.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
|
|
| Keep
up with Mike! Join
the "Something You Should Know" Insider
Update. We'll
e-mail your Update to you every 2 weeks.
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|