Transcripts

Jane Isay, author of the book Walking On Eggshells, says many parents of adult children still believe it's their job to give advice. Jane says that usually makes things worse.

I guess the corollary of "don't give advice" is "keep it light". And the lighter and the easier the conversations are, the easier it is to have another one. If you have another one, it's easy to have the next. You know how much more you have to say to somebody when you're in touch all of the time than if you only speak once a year? Well, it's the same with parents and grown children.

Parents of adult children often try to make their children feel guilty by saying things like, " You only love me because I babysit for free."

When a parent says, "You only love me because I babysit for free", he or she is thinking that their kids don't love them as much as they actually do. One of the things that was most interesting to me when I interviewed the grown children was how much they loved their parents. And for a person whose mother says, "You only love me when I babysit", they probably need to say, "You know, Mom I really love you all the time." You would be amazed how expressions (honest expressions) of genuine affection can break down the walls of both sides.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.