Transcripts

April 30, 2004:
Insecure People
Interview with Joseph Nowinski, PhD, author of The Tender Heart

Joseph Nowinski:
Insecurity is kind of a deep sense of being unsure about your place in the world, your value, symptoms include self consciousness, a tendency to be very self critical, easily hurt.

Joseph Nowinski, author of the book The Tender Heart - Conquering Your Insecurity...

It comes from being sensitive to begin with; underneath every insecure person is a sensitive person. But, what happens to that sensitive person is if they experience a lot of abuse, if they're raised by very critical or rejecting parents, that's where their sensitivity kind of gets turned against them and they become very insecure, self doubting. And since it's learned, the good news is that they can work to kind of unlearn that.

Insecure people, says Joseph, typically have unrealistic expectations.

Some of the unrealistic expectations, for example in a relationship there should never be any arguments, that you should never be criticized. They really... even if you ask them, they might deny that. But if you ask their partner, they'll tell you that the insecure
person acts as though they believe in the relationship their should never be conflict, criticism. In the work place it happens too, you'll see an insecure worker or coworker, will act as though they believe that no one should ever criticize their work. They need to recognize that these are unrealistic expectations that come from their insecurity. Once they recognize that they begin to step back a little bit and take stock of what their expectations are.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net, I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.