Transcripts

Richard Maurer:
The resistance to people going along with our ideas really falls into three categories. One is "I don't get it," the second is, "I don't like it," and the third is "I don't like you."

Rick Maurer, author of the book Why Don't You Want What I Want?

And so, when we're trying to convince somebody that our idea is a good one, we need to be paying attention to "Are they getting it? Do they like it?" and "What do they think of us?" And so what we need to pay attention to is not just the brilliance of our own idea, but also how are we relating to people at the "I get it, I like it, I like you" level.

And the only way to know how you're relating, says Maurer, is to listen. Really listen.

The best statement I ever heard about listening didn't come from a consultant or a psychologist-it came from the actor Alan Alda, and he said, "We need to listen with the willingness to be changed." And basically, what he's saying is that if I'm working with someone else, the situation becomes alive. Now he talks about working onstage or film. If I'm really paying attention to that other person, so if they deliver their line differently tonight, I actually respond to that. That kind of listening is exactly what we need to do if we want to influence somebody else. If I'm really there listening with a willingness to be changed, when I present my idea and you say, "Rick, I don't like it," I have an opportunity to get interested in what you're saying.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.