Mike
Carruthers:
If you're in a relationship, the experts say you have to "communicate."
But men and women communicate very differently and that can cause
trouble.
Dr. Herb Goldberg:
Both of the genders have to focus on how they're experienced
by the other person - in other words intentions don't count.
What really counts is impact.
Dr. Herb Goldberg,
author of the book "What
Men Still Don't Know About Women, Relationships, and Love"
...
For example if
a man is arguing with a woman… trying to change her mind about
something by using his logic and reason and by explaining things
to her, the woman doesn't hear the logic. What she experiences
is that the man is using his words and his logic to push her
away or to be superior.
And women do
the opposite, says Dr. Goldberg; instead of using logic they
express feelings and vulnerability.
And even using
tears in the middle of an argument or a discussion - which,
if they were talking to other women would actually be quite
effective because women empathize with that. But the man experiences
it as manipulation or as her trying to make him feel guilty.
There is no simple
solution, but Dr. Goldberg believes understanding these differences
can go a long way to improving a relationship.
Because both
men and women tend to think that they're doing something that
is actually quite different than how they're coming across.
Tomorrow, why
romantic relationships often lose the romance - I'm Mike Carruthers
and that's Something You Should Know.
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