Transcripts

George Kohlrieser:
How do you build a bond with somebody you don't naturally like? This is what hostage negotiators do - how do you engage them in a dialogue and then how do you get somebody to see something different?

Psychologist and former hostage negotiator George Kohlrieser, author of the book Hostage at the Table…

It's a very powerful thing when people stop demonizing someone and begin to look for common bonds, common interests - ways to build bridges, rather than destroy the enemy. This seems to be the natural tendency when you have someone in your life causing you trouble.

We're hard-wired - the deepest level is to be afraid of conflict, to look for danger, to avoid it.

But conflict doesn't have to be dangerous if you stay unemotional and stay focused on what it is you want. So, for instance if you try to talk to your boss about something and he tells you to, "Shut up and go back to work", you would respond with something like, "Well I can do that but that's not going to help us get resolved here. Do you want me to work at my best and do you want to get the best result out of our team? If so, I would really like for you to listen to what I need or what our team needs. Are you interested in that?" What you don't do (you see employees don't realize how much power they really have) but they have to not suggest it in a destructive, aggressive way.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.