Mike Carruthers:
We all
have to deal with difficult people. It's part of life. But to
be effective dealing with these people, you have to make sure
they don't push your buttons. In other words,
Ron Shapiro:
Neutralize
your emotions. Take control of yourself. Do something physical
like put a finger on your lip to remind you it isn't personal
and you're not going to get personal. And then you begin to
take control of yourself.
Ronald
Shapiro, co-author of the book, Bullies
Tyrants And Impossible People.
You do
not want to engage in a battle with them. You do not want to
flee and run away from them. You want to focus on how you can
solve the problem. I'm a person who can lose my temper…with
my spouse. I love her more than anything in the world but she
might say something to ignite me. And what would I do in the
old days? I would come back at her, we'd go back and forth and
it would explode. Now I put a finger on my lip or I count under
my breath to remind myself that this isn't personal - and I'm
not going to get personal. I'm going to start asking her questions
and listening in order to help resolve the situation.
And if
people are acting outrageous or making impossible demands, Ron
says you should call them on it. Tell them you know what they're
doing.
But not
in a way that sets them off… "Hey I saw that on television,
that was like in that show 'Law & Order', good cop/bad cop.
That's interesting but there must be a better way we can do
this." And then redirect it in order to guide them to a
better way to do it. Once you let people know you know they're
doing something, they become less likely to do it.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net.
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
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