Transcripts

Tina Tessina, Ph.D.:
The problem is accessing our logic when we're upset. When you're upset, when you're aggravated, it's very hard to be logical.

Psychologist Tina Tessina, author of the book How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free.

We pool our logic and our reason together for work and in public. But at home, we want to relax. It's a wonderful addition to your marriage, to be childlike and playful and open in that way. But when things are not working, you need to be able to access that logical because that's what's going to keep you out of trouble.

And the best way to access that logic, says Tina, is to focus on what the problem is for you.

Not "You always do this!" or "You always do that!" but "I have a problem with this. I feel too trapped in this relationship." And once you can express that clearly to yourself, then you can express that clearly to your partner.

So why is this so hard? Because in those instances when we are not being logical…

…the focus is on the wrong thing. The focus tends to be on who did it wrong, what went wrong, who's right, instead of what's going to solve the problem. When the focus stays on what's going to solve this problem for the both of us, the discussion is much more productive.

For transcripts visit our website, somethingyoushouldknow.net. I'm Mike Carruthers and that's "Something You Should Know".