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July
19, 2005:
How Shame Holds Us Back
Interview
with Harriet Lerner author of The
Dance Of Fear
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Mike Carruthers:
A very important emotion you don't hear people talk about much
is shame.
Harriet
Lerner:
Which is the fear of being seen as essentially inadequate
or flawed or not worthy.
Dr. Harriet
Lerner, author of the book,
The Dance Of Fear…
So many
fears, like the fear of intimacy, the fear of public speaking,
the fear of dancing, underneath what we call fear is shame-the
fear of being seen as inadequate.
But feeling
shame is normal says Harriet, in fact in order to grow as a
person you have to put yourself in situations that will cause
you to feel shame.
It's
surprising how many people tell me that they don't feel shame
and the reason they don't feel it is because they may be leading
lives that are very narrow and small. I mean if you stay in
your basement or you sit in a corner and you don't take risks
you can avoid shame.
The fear
of feeling shame stops a lot of people from trying new things
but Harriet says…
We know
from all of the research that the more you practice avoidance
the more the brain gets convinced that the fear is real. So,
another lesson is that you do have to show up if something is
important enough to you.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
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There
are 26 more minutes! Here’s
what All Access Pass Members can hear:
If you never feel shame you are probably leading a very
"narrow" life.
How well intentioned people will try to make you feel
shame.
How to determine if something is important enough to go
through shame.
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