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August 12, 2004:
Your Expectations Of Your Child
Interview
with Brad Sachs author of the book The
Good Enough Child
Mike
Carruthers:
Every parent has had the experience of being disappointed
in their child.
Brad Sachs:
Children disappoint or disillusion their parents in
hundreds of different ways. Sometimes the child is the wrong gender.
Sometimes the child is born with a congenital defect. Sometimes
the child is not interested in what we're interested in or handles
life differently than we handle it.
Dr. Brad
Sachs author of the book The
Good Enough Child..
*The
reality is that every child is going to disappoint or disillusion
us. So what we have to do is to help navigate relationship even
though there's disappointment in play and see our child as being
good enough simply for being who he or she is.
It's important
says Dr. Sachs to distinguish what you want for your child versus
what you want from your child.
Everybody
has hope for their child. We want our children to feel successful
to feel whole to have good relationships to feel comfortable
with themselves. But we have to distinguish that from what we
want from our child. That we expect our child will heal our
marriage that we expect that our child will make up for our
deficits that somehow our child is going to reflect well on
us. And if you can make that distinction between what we want
from our child and what we want for our child then I think you're
able to have hope and good wishes for your child without making
them feel like they're a disappointment or a failure.
And children
always know what their parent's expectations are…
Parent's
expectations come through in one way or another. And I think
children generally know whether they're being accepted and loved
or whether they're constantly disappointing their parents.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net.
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
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