Transcripts

Tim Ursiny, author of the book The Coward's Guide to Conflict, has a simple way to take the confrontation out of conflict. It's called the "one hundred plus one percent principle."

And that is; say the other person is coming at you, and they're sharing, and you really disagree with a lot of what they say. A hundred plus one percent principle is: you find that one percent of what they're saying that you really do agree with, and before you say anything else you agree with that piece one hundred percent. So I'd say, "You know I really agree with you." And I'd spend some time and energy around that. And then I'd share, "And in addition, I have another perspective." So part of what it does, it just diffuses them by saying "Okay, you understand a piece of what I'm saying."

As scary as it may sound, you can use this technique effectively with anyone - even your boss.

So, let's say you're my boss. I come to you and I say, "I really care about working with you. I want to be here a long time. There are some things that bug me and I think the most respectful thing I can do is come to you and share what those are. Are you open to hearing some things that I'm struggling with?" Only the worst tyrants... and there's a few out there... only the worst are going to say "No, I don't want to hear anything you have to say." Because if I know you really value... and you're coming to me with a collaborative spirit, most people…nine out of ten…are going to be open to that.

For transcripts, visit our website somethingyoushouldknow.net. I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.