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September 13, 2004
What To Say To Someone Who Has Suffered Loss
Interview
with Robbie Miller Kaplan author of the book, How
To Say It When You Don't Know What To Say
Mike
Carruthers:
When someone close to you is going through a painful loss
it's difficult to know what to say because you don't want to
say the wrong thing.
Robbie
Miller Kaplan:
Because when you do say the wrong thing you can really
damage relationships.
Robbie Miller
Kaplan author of the book
How To Say It When You Don't Know What To Say…
The very
best thing that you can do is to keep it simple and what gets
people in trouble is when they begin to speak after acknowledging
the loss.
So what
exactly should you say?
I was
so sorry to hear your mom died, I'm been keeping you and your
mom in my thoughts and prayers. I was so sorry to hear about
your miscarriage I know this must be really difficult. And then
you leave it at that.
When someone
close to you is suffering a loss, Robbie says it's very important
that you acknowledge it.
Some
people are so uncomfortable acknowledging loss that they stay
away. And loss is so isolating by itself that when you stay
away you isolate the person even further.
Perhaps
even more important than knowing what to say to someone who's
suffered loss is just being there to listen.
Because
the way that we heal is we tell our story we have to talk about
our feelings because if you keep your feelings inside you're
never going to heal. So one of the greatest gifts you can give
someone is just to be silent and to listen attentively.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.
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