Transcripts

Ron McMillan:
Well, we find that most people deal with crucial conversations by avoiding them.

Ron McMillan, co-author of the book Crucial Conversations.

One of the reasons that people go to silence and avoid having these crucial conversations is the belief that nothing good will come from this conversation.

And often, even when we do muster up the nerve to have that difficult conversation…

We assume that honesty is the problem. If you're too honest, you'll hurt feelings. Others won't like you. So people sugarcoat their message or understate it in order to be heard. And we found that that's dead wrong. Honesty is never the problem. Safety is the problem.

Ron says that in a crucial conversation, if you want your message heard, you have to create for the other person.

If I can communicate to you my good intentions, that I care about what you want, that I'm not trying to embarrass you, put you down, make you bad or wrong, then I can create a lot of safety very quickly in a conversation, and the result is you feel more wiling to share your point of view or to share your opinion. You also are less defensive and are more willing to hear what I have to say or share. And that creates something called mutual purpose and that creates a lot of safety.

For transcripts or to subscribe to our free online newsletter, visit our website; somethingyoushouldknow.net. I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.