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October
24, 2002:
Making Positive Changes
Interview
with Bill O'Hanlon, author of Do
One Thing Different
Mike
Carruthers:
What causes people to make real, positive changes in their lives?
Bill
O'Hanlon:
I've noticed over the course of 25 years of doing therapy
that when people finally change, they finally change something
in their life by doing one thing different or by focusing on
something different or by thinking differently.
Bill O'Hanlon,
author of the book Do
One Thing Different.
There
was a person who was depressed, went to see a psychiatrist named
Milton Ericson, and Ericson said, "Okay, you can still
be depressed, just go to the library and be depressed."
Now, he could do that, but he couldn't not be depressed. That
was just his personality and he went to the library, and there
he might another person and they became friends. He wasn't so
isolated. He could go to the library. He probably couldn't get
out and meet people because he was too shy.
Making these
small changes, says Bill, can apply to all areas of life and
can reap great benefits.
Change
modes of communication. Start writing out your part of the argument,
rather than saying it, because sometimes people respond to voice
tones. Interrupt the pattern any way you can. Change locations.
Go out to the front seat of the car and have your argument,
rather than in the living room. One time I was arguing with
my partner and she got really upset because I kept pointing
my finger. So I said, "Okay, I'll stop pointing my finger,"
but I couldn't. My hand just kept moving. I had to finally sit
on my hand. So figure out what you usually do and then do anything
different to break out of the rut. Then your feelings may change,
start to take action, then you may get a new explanation.
At somethingyoushouldknow.net,
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's "Something You Should Know".
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