Transcripts

Mike Carruthers:
It's odd when you think about it that the people closest to us, that we love the most are the ones who tend to get on our nerves.

M.J. Ryan :
And we tend to start looking at all the things that annoy us and frustrate us about them rather than the things that are wonderful.

M.J. Ryan, author of the book Attitudes of Gratitude in Love, says feelings of gratitude towards people can do a lot to improve a relationship.

You don't even have to express it, although that's nice for the other person, too. But when you just think it on your own, you feel better, you feel more connected, you remember why you love this person. Marriage counselors call it "positive sentiment override" which is a fancy way of saying people that remember what's good about their relationships tend to have relationships that last, and people that focus on the negative aspects tend to have relationships that end.

It may be hard to imagine that just thinking good things about someone is helpful, but…

It's amazingly effective. Just for a second, think about someone who you care about. Just thinking about them and thinking about what's good about them, you feel better than you did the minute before you started. So it's an uplift because gratitude actually has a physiological effect on us. It floods our body with endorphins, which are the feel-good chemicals that you get when you fall in love in the first place. So that's why I say this is like a miraculous relationship cure that's simpler than anything else that anyone could suggest because it takes only one person. And all you have to do is think about, you don't even have to do anything!

For transcripts and our free on-line newsletter, visit our website, somethingyoushouldknow.net. I’m Mike Carruthers and that’s Something You Should Know.