Transcripts

Dr. Joel Block:
One of the reasons why you may not like her is because you're not getting the best of her. And you're not getting the best of her because you're not giving her your best.

Psychologist, Dr. Joel Block, author of the book, Making It Work When You Work A Lot…

If you're pretty negative with someone- basically there is a principle and it's a well-researched principle actually reciprocity. After a time you get what you give. Think of a bank account you have deposits and withdrawals. A lot of relationships, the reason why small withdrawals are a problem is because there are not enough deposits. The deposits are in the form of saying positive things- that you are acknowledging strengths rather than pointing out weaknesses. So, you want a relationship account, like that bank account that has plenty of deposits on it-because there will be inevitable withdrawals.

By positive things, Dr. Block means saying things that draw you closer.

So, it's not just, "Oh, I like your tie." It's more personal than that and it's supportive and it's also validating the other person's experience-being empathic that is putting yourself in the other persons shoes. One of the most powerful things in relationships is feeling understood-and that kind of thing is healing. It is the best we can do as people with each other are healing. And the healing is based in feeling understood by the other person.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.