Transcripts

Dr. Harriet Braiker, author of the book Who's Pulling Your Strings? , has some great techniques to disable manipulators. For example...

"I know you're starting to raise your voice, and you're pounding your fist, and I know you're about to get very angry, and that usually that gets you your way…but that's not going to work anymore." Of course you have to have the courage to stick with your guns, and don't let it work. The other thing is, you simply play for time. Instead of just going along and complying with what a manipulator wants you to do, as soon as you can say, "You know, I understand what you're asking me, and I need to think about that." You'll see immediately that a manipulator will get nervous. "What do you mean you have to think about that?" That is, in and of itself, an effective resistance tactic.

One of the reasons we allow ourselves to be manipulated is we don't want to feel guilty by not doing what we're asked.

You have to learn that feeling guilty isn't going to kill you. So, if you say "No, we're not going to be spending the holidays this year with the nine hundred other people in our family…you know we're going to go on a ski vacation." And your mother starts "guilting" you into "But you have to come, because what if I never see you after this Christmas?" or one of those things. You really have to be able to withstand the guilt. Once you find out that you can do that, it's not so hard to resist the manipulation.

At somethingyoushouldknow.net, I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.