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December
18, 2002:
Improving Male/Female Relationships
Interview
with Terrence Real, author of How
Can I Get Through to You?
Mike
Carruthers:
Here's an interesting theory on why relationships are so difficult
and the divorce rate is so high:
Terrence
Real:
I think that what happened over the last forty years is that
women have changed dramatically and men have not.
Terrence
Real, author of the book How
Can I Get Through to You?
Women
who have been empowered by money and entering into the work
force and the women's movement are insisting on real, emotional
intimacy in their marriages. Guys are still walking around as
if this were their father's marriage, and women are walking
around having raised the bar considerably.
And Terrence
believes both men and women have a role to play in improving
the situation.
Virtually
all of the women who come into couples' therapy complain that
their husband isn't romantic enough, that they don't feel cherished,
so it's up to the guy to take some initiative to take care of
the relationship. Once in a blue moon, you arrange for a babysitter
and you go out. Another tip for guys is that you have to do
the work of expressing yourself. Women will consistently say
something like, "He doesn't say he loves me." And
the guy will say, "Well, she knows I love her, why does
she have to hear it?" That's like looking at a plant and
going, "The plant knows that I want to water it, why does
it need water?" I mean, you have to sort of make the effort,
listen to what she's saying, and try to deliver some of the
goods.
Tomorrow,
what women can do to improve the relationship. I'm Mike Carruthers
and that's "Something You Should Know."
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