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December
19, 2002:
Improving Male/Female Relationships II
Interview
with Terrence Real, author of How
Can I Get Through to You?
Mike
Carruthers:
One of the big problems in relationships and marriage may simply
be the difference in expectations between men and women.
Terrence
Real:
We do teach girls and women to know more about relationships
and to want more from relationships.
Terrence
Real, author of the book How
Can I Get Through to You?
Men don't
bring women into couples therapy saying, "I wish she was
closer." Most of the guys I treat are what I call "wife-mandated
referrals." It's women who want more from their relationship,
it's women that bring men into couples therapy, and they are
asking for more from their guys than the culture asks their
guys to give.
And it falls
to women, says Terrence, to help men be more involved in the
relationship. And the most important thing is:
Speak
up and speak up constructively. What happens with a lot of women
is that they don't feel heard or fulfilled in their relationships
and eventually they back off, but they back off resentfully.
I want women to get back up there, go toe to toe with the guy,
and it could something as simple as meeting your guy at the
door and saying, "I'm not happy with this, this, and this.
What do you want for dinner?" Do that for six days running
and see if he won't sit down and talk with you.
And then
when he does sit down and talk to you…
Don't
complain and criticize about what he's doing wrong. Take him
by the hand, be specific, and teach him what right would look
like.
You can
link to Terrence's website
from ours, somethingyoushouldknow.net.
I'm Mike Carruthers and that's "Something You Should Know."
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