Transcripts

Mike Carruthers:
Showing appreciation can be almost magical in any relationship or negotiation if you know how to do it right.

Daniel Shapiro:
People often say, "Empathize with the other person, validate their emotions." But what does that mean?

Daniel Shapiro, author of the book Beyond Reason , says real appreciation requires three steps. Number one…

I want to first understand your perspective. So, my wife wakes me up at eight o'clock Saturday morning and she says, "Dan you didn't do the dishes." First thing I want to do is understand where she's coming from, but understanding is not enough. Because if the next thing out of my mouth is, " I understand why you're so upset with me, but I think you're crazy." I'm not doing step two, which is finding merit, finding value in her point of view.

And that's the tough one because it's a lot easier to find fault and dismiss the other person's point of view, but finding merit is absolutely necessary.

And to do that would mean, "Mia, I understand why you're waking me up - you've had a tough week, you've stayed up with Noah last night, you've done so much around the house, I understand it." Third step to appreciate someone is to show it. It is so rare that we actually express appreciation to others. If I appreciate my wife but I never let her know, she's not going to feel the benefit of appreciation - and neither am I. That's the power of appreciation.

You can link to Dan's website from ours: somethingyoushouldknow.net - I'm Mike Carruthers and that's Something You Should Know.